The inimical Mother's Day

     Today is supposed to be a day for Mother's. I am going to be honest with you guys, I am not feeling it. I was given Mother's Day cards from my kids and they made me cry. Not the tears of joy kind either. I will tell you why later but first I must share some background. 

     Around the end of February/beginning of March, I began having symptoms. I didn't feel like myself, I was very irritable and yelling at my kids a lot. I also began being sensitive to noise. When the babies would scream I couldn't handle it. When things got loud I couldn't handle the noise. I also started getting very tired. Every afternoon when I finally got the twins down for a nap, I would have to lay down I was so exhausted I felt like I couldn't move. This is when I'd normally try to do school work with the kids and do laundry and prep dinner. Everything got behind. Everything. This just made me feel more overwhelmed. 

     I stopped sleeping. Like at all. People do not understand insomnia.  The amount of comments I got about, "ya I don't sleep well either" were well intended, but so very frustrating. I had 5 kids in 7 years I know what lack of sleep feels like. I know what being up multiple times in the night is like. I had twins that needed bottle and breastfeed every 3 hours for months. I know what lack of sleep is. This isn't lack of sleep or "I don't sleep well". This is: I lay down and close my eyes and never sleep. All night. Then all of the suggestions of try this, take this, do this.... again they were well intended but so very infuriating. I had tried it all. I had went to numerous Dr's and no pill was going to work. My body was attacking my thyroid and the cure? Reduce my stress. Ok. I asked the Dr for suggestions and he had none. I was losing my mind. If you don't sleep for months you will go insane and I was. 

      I have not been a good mother. I have not been a good wife. I have not been a good friend. My symptoms and managing them, has taken precedence in my life. I don't feel like myself. My children have suffered.  It is not easy for them to understand the things that I am doing to try to help myself. All they know is Mom is at the Dr again or Mom isn't making lunch today because she's tired. Its embarrassing and these are things I never wanted to share with you. But I know if I can be struggling on this very Mother's Day with feeling like a complete failure, I cannot be the only one.  My kids cards today highlighted the worst of me over the past few months. 

So I write this to you today to tell you, even if it feels like the worst Mother's Day ever and even if you feel like the worst mother ever, remember that we don't choose our children. God does. He knew how many children He would bless you with and He doesn't make mistakes. You are the best mother for your children, that's why God gave them to you. He didn't choose anyone else, but YOU. I continue to strive to be the Proverbs 31 Mother. I will fail again and again but as God has given us grace, I pray my kids can see the good in me. I pray to be "clothed in strength and dignity".  I pray that my family knows how much I love them. I pray that they see the Lord through me and that my life Honors Him.
And I pray that my kids don't remember the yelling, but the deep love that I have for them. The desire to protect them that kept them home this school year.....the desire to raise them myself which led me to quit working and stay home. I pray they remember the joy they bring me everyday. I thank God for blessing me with 5 children for this earth to raise. What an honor it is.

Happy Mother's Day Mommas

 

5 ways to Better Communication with your Husband

 I wrote a very long blog on communication and while I think the info is very good, I thought I'd write a shorter version with more specific instructions.
Have you ever had a full minute conversation with your husband, only to then hear a "HUH" response?
And then you're so mad that they weren't listening to you that you respond negatively towards your spouse "You're not LISTENING to me!"
Here are 5 ways to instantly better your communication with your spouse!


1: Give an introduction~
Men are like waffles. You've heard the comparison. But let me elaborate. When your husband is in a different compartment, they cannot, physically CANNOT, focus on another compartment at the same time. So if you want him to listen to your story, First say "Hunny, I'd like to take a few minutes to talk to you about what happened today". This allows him to turn off the current "compartment" he's in, and focus on listening.

2: DON'T call him multiple times a day~
If your husband is at work all day, and you like to call often when you think of something, or to just talk with your spouse, this makes things very difficult for your husband. He is in his "Work Compartment" and when you call, you disrupt this compartment and chances are, he wont be able to fully listen, and you'll end up frustrated. I am not saying you should never call your husband at work, but keep it to 1 or 2 calls if you must, GIVE AN INTRODUCTION and ask if he has 5 minutes to listen. If he doesn't, respect that he is at work (or in his "work compartment") and you can talk later.

Something that may help is to write down on a note pad, a list of things to talk about 

when your husband gets home.

3: Tell him to just listen~
For many women, talking relieves stress. Some may call it "venting", but even if your conversation isn't accompanied by complaining, it still helps up manage our stress. Men don't understand this, so when you just need to talk, first give an introduction "Hunny do you have 5 minutes"? Then before you start tell him "I just want you to listen".

4: Ask him about work~
Believe it or not, men need to vent too sometimes. We need to allow them to talk about their days' as well and they may not give much detail and that's fine. They will really love this especially if their love language is Quality Time.

Not sure what your love language is? Click here

5: Don't respond negatively when he isn't listening~
Since we are all human, they are going to screw up. They are going to be in a different "compartment" and not paying attention. Show them Grace. I have to constantly remind myself to "tame my tongue". For many years in my married I didn't show grace and I DID respond negatively. This did not help my communication with my spouse and it definitely did NOT help my marriage. If you find yourself in this situation where your husband has not listened to you, with grace, give an introduction "Hunny, I really need to talk about this with you, can you give me 5 minutes?". He may say that he needs to complete the current task on his mind so allow him this time he needs and perhaps write down on a note pad what you'd like to talk about (if you are like me and you may forget).

Try these simple steps for better communication with yoru husband and let me know how it works for you!

Ladies: Let's talk about SEX baby!

Ok this one is going to get steamy. Mom, you probably shouldn't read this one :P

Sex is such an important part of our marriages. I've recently discovered so many woman who think sex is just for their husbands. Woman who get no pleasure out of sex and just do it as what they see as their "duty". They dread it, its uncomfortable and its surely not fun. Ladies, God did not design sex to be this way. God's design for sex is not strictly to be for your husbands pleasure. It is to be for BOTH of you.
Sex is not bad. Sex is good. God created sex and after God created everything (Adam and Eve),  He said it was "good".

Sex in marriage is good! 

Sex creates a better union between your husband and yourself. As I read in Song of Solomon, it was not just Solomon who was longing for their time together. Solomon's Beloved dreamed of their first time together! She was eager for their wedding, eager for sex and after they had married, she says "Let my Beloved Come to his garden"!!! That doesn't sound like a wife who dreads intimacy with her husband!

Is that your experience? Or do you dread it?

Let me offer some insight if you find you might be in what I call the dreaded cycle of  the 'walking dead intimacy'.

Sex is a big deal.

Sex IS a big deal, and since it is, shouldn't we devote time and energy toward it? Towards making it work for both you and your spouse and devote time for doing it?

If sex is not enjoyable for you, lets figure out how to change that by addressing a few common issues.
Women are full of hormones and did you know that the SEX HORMONES are most important? They are produced by the ovaries so you can see how conditions such as polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, fibroids and even uterine problems, can cause things to not work as they should.

Pain: Sex is sometimes painful. There are numerous reasons that this can be, some in which we can control and change, and some in which we cant.
RELAX- First thing to do is relax!  We tense up when we are anticipating pain and the muscles inside us are constricted.
LUBRICATE- Many times women need a little help with moisture to decrease the friction that can cause pain during sex. There are hundreds of different types of lubrication out there. I'll say this, Walmart brand works just fine ;)
CONDOMS- Some women are extremely sensitive to condoms and they are flat out torturous. If you have burning, stinging or pain when using a condom, try another form of birth control or look into "natural family planning" so that you can enjoy sex without condoms.

Precision: There is a SCIENCE behind sex.
FOREPLAY- (yes we are getting steamy) When my husband and I were getting counsel before our wedding, we were given this analogy: Women are like tea kettles, they take time to warm up and need to be touched, talked to, and cuddled to help them get aroused. Talk to your spouse about taking some time before jumping into sex to just focus on YOU. Take turns giving each other massages (full body) before sex.
PRACTICE- There are certain things that are going to feel good for you. Those things for you, are probably different for me, and probably different for your best friend, and your neighbor etc. You need to communicate with your spouse (even possibly DURING sex) to communicate what feels good and what doesn't. When you both figure out what feels good, practice those same things again to recreate those feelings.
POSITION- Try different positions. You'd be surprised at how a different position could make a world of difference in the way sex feels.

Progeny: Yes child making can really change the way sex works, feels and occurs.
PREGNANCY- It is not easy being pregnant. The hormones, sickness, the weight gain and change in center of gravity which affects positions during sex, can all play into non-enjoyable sex. Here are a few tips:
          *Increased hormones during pregnancy can really increase sensitivity during sex and be very enjoyable. Try to use this to your benefit and change positions and see what new things feel good to you.
          *You have increased sensation in your nipples during pregnancy. This may be a forbidden territory for some ladies, but you might want to take your "off limits" sign down just to see what happens.
          *Utilize water in the shower, or bathtub for sex because its soothing and relaxing. You may think 'What positions could you have sex in the shower?'. You'll have to google that one on your own ;)
SCHEDULE- Since we've determined sex is a very integral part of marriage, we have to make time for it. If it must be scheduled, there is no shame in that.
BODY IMAGE- For some women, our bodies changed greatly after children, and we don't like what we see. You may be self conscious of your new body and you may not even want your spouse to see you naked. I can assure you that during sex, your spouse doesn't care what your body looks like. Give yourself a break and if you're concerned about your body, talk to your spouse about it and tell him exactly what makes you uncomfortable.

The mind of a women is always going 100 miles a minute. Concentrate on sex when you are in the moment and stop thinking about what you have to do tomorrow, or what you're going to make for dinner. And stop thinking about the dishes in the sink. Concentrate on your spouse, concentrate on sex. Be in the moment.


The last thing I want to discuss is R-rated so proceed with fair warning.


Female Orgasm: Women have to LEARN how
Unlike men, research shows women take a considerable about of time to learn to climax after they have had sex for the first time.

Lets face it, if you've never or rarely orgasm during sex, its probably not the most enjoyable activity for you. So lets change that. Its important for you to orgasm too and believe me, your spouse WANTS you to orgasm too. Here are some tips:
        *Get on top- When you are on top you can control depth, the angle at which your hips are, and the pace. All of which you can change based on your pleasure.
        *Communicate- Maybe your cheeks are red already, but did you know that 77% of men want you to tell them what you like in words? REAL WORDS, yes communicate what feels good, he is DYING to hear from you. You may not even know until its happening so make sure your spouse knows.
        *Move- Try moving your hips, your pelvis, your legs and your buttocks to find the most pleasurable points.
        *Touch- Do not be afraid to allow your spouse to explore with touching. This may help you discover what amount of pressure, rhythm or angle is needed for you.

I'm no sex expert, but I am passionate about strong marriages and I understand the role that sex plays in a good marriage for a husband AND a wife. Here is a great article to help you in the bedroom according to your love language. And if you don't know your love language found out here.

I hope this was a helpful article to all of you ladies. I pray you grow in love and intimacy with your spouse!

The Downfall of my Marriage

Yes you read that right. MONDAY, I will celebrate 7 years of marriage. Were they ALL wonderful years of marriage? No they werent. I want to help you to keep your marriage strong. I want to encourage you to push through the storms because, its worth it so read on for my story!

2010 - We had been married 3 years. We'd both graduated college and were both working. We felt we were "ready" to start a family. We had overcome our communication issues in the beginning of our marriage.
(If you'd like to read about how we overcome our communication problems click HERE). And so, it was time.  We are both go-geters. We think about something, and we do it.  We've always been successful in what we set our minds to. We expected having children to be no different. We had no idea the obstacles we were about to face. We were young, and this was our desire, so we set out on the journey of adding children to our family.  3 months into our journey, nothing had happened. We both were slightly disappointed but we weren't worried just yet. Our family and friends reminded us "it takes the average couple a year to conceive"... As 3 more months past, I began to become impatient. Why was I not getting pregnant? We decided to seek out fertility help and were both tested with no abnormal results. As relieved as we were to hear that, I was also kinda angry at the results. So if nothing is wrong, why isn't it happening? It was at this point that we recognized our need to go to the Throne and trust that the Lord had his own plan for our future.  Relinquishing control has never been easy for me and with something so big, this was a huge challenge. Everyday Scott and I prayed, begging God for His blessing in our lives however He saw fit to bless us. We did our best to wait patiently. We grew so much stronger and closer together as we continued down our path of infertility. God did hear our prayers. And God did answer our prayers. As we prepared for the birth of our first child we were ecstatic. We painted the room, we picked out the furniture, we put the rocking chair together, we talked to, sang to, played with and prayed for our child. My husband was just as involved as I was in the whole process. He loved feeling baby kicks and hearing the heartbeat. He came to every appointment with me. We couldn't have been happier or closer.
Our baby boy arrived and after a difficult first 2 weeks, daddy was learning right along with mommy with how to care for him. Daddy became very good with diaper changes, bath time, even getting him to sleep and napping with him. He was so helpful I don't know what I would have done without all his help!
Our son was such a happy baby. He was a great sleeper and very mobile at even a very young age. We were so Blessed and Content!
On april fools day, we were very shocked to discover the Lord had a very different plan for us. We were expecting AGAIN. I was going to have 2 babies, 17 months apart! I was excited and overwhelmed at the same time. My husband was shocked! All the trouble we had the first time, we never dreamed we'd be Blessed again so soon. We put our house up for sale because we needed something bigger for our growing family and we sold our house in 2 days. The Lord really helped us in providing the home we desired only 5 minutes away! We moved when I was almost 9 months pregnant. This pregnancy was different than the other. No I still felt sick, still had the heartburn... every symptom was the same, but this pregnancy was different. It went FAST. I didn't have my husband with me at every appointment. We had another baby to take care of so sometimes, he had to stay with our son. My husband didn't spend hours with his hand on my belly waiting for baby kicks. We didn't paint the room, at all. We barely even purchased anything for this baby. Don't get me wrong, we were very excited and anticipating our daughters birth, but we were very distracted by everything else that way going on in our lives.

Our precious, sweet baby girl came into the world 6 days before Christmas. We had a son and a daughter and our hearts were full! But our lives were crazy! Having 2 babies in diapers, coordinating diaper changes, bath time, dinner time, laundry, cleaning, cooking... there was barely time for my husband and I to talk to each other. Once the kids were in bed for the night, we were both exhausted. We'd brush our teeth and get under the covers and barely say more than "how was your day?".  The weekends were nice because I felt I got a slight break from caring for the kids, but that meant my other duties took over, like cleaning and laundry. It was a vicious circle of never ending duty for me. I felt aside from my children, I had no purpose... valueless, expendable... I was trapped at home and it was really starting to get to me and effect my relationship with my husband. We didn't spend time together, we barely talked. On the weekends if there was ever anything I actually wanted to do, my husband didn't. If I felt I accomplished something (cleaned the bathrooms, washed, folded and put away laundry) He didn't notice, and didn't share in my excitement.  I wasn't happy. I was allowing my circumstances to effect my feelings and my emotions and I had to make a change.

I scheduled a "date night" with my husband but to be honest, I didn't want to go. I knew we needed to talk and I was happy for the baby free time and dinner, but I really didn't want to talk to him. I wasn't doing a good job.  After all, the house was always messy, the laundry piled up and dishes in the sink and I wasn't happy with him either. Having children dismantled my marriage. Something we so desperately desired, was the catalyst for what had brought us so far apart. How did this happen? We had to work on our relationship, fast. If you find yourself in this same sinking sand, here's the way out.

First thing you need to do is TALK with your husband. There is going to be conflict. Having a baby is a major life change. Approach conflict with humility. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you feel you never get to spend time together anymore. Tell him you long for his companionship. Tell him you miss HIM. Tell him you want him to talk to you, to ask about you. Tell him you feel that you both only discuss your children and not the two of you, or your relationship anymore. Tell him what you miss about him.

Determine what you think would help your relationship, whether it be a date night away, doing an activity you both love together, doing a devotion together or a marriage book, getting his help around the house, or getting him to praise your accomplishments throughout the day...Whatever it is that will help YOU to realize that your hard work with your children and your home is absolutely worth it, then do it. Make sure you ask and acknowledge the same thing with your husband. As much as you are feeling alone, your husband may be feeling the same way. You used to cook for him every night, and spend time together and now you are occupied with your children. He may have some needs of his own that are not being met. Make sure to listen to your husbands feelings as well.

Do you know what your love language is? If not, figure it out Here. It's common for your love language to CHANGE over the years so take the test again if its been awhile! Once you and your husband know your love language, discover ways you can show each other you love each other during your busy days.

You must take time to work on your relationship. Your children need to see you love each other, forgive each other, and yes, even kiss each other. Momma's, your children are your job. They are your responsibility. God has entrusted them to you. Part of your responsibility in raising your children and taking care of your home, is taking care of the Man who works to keep that home running.  God has placed your husband as the leader of your home. Start viewing your role at home at a higher level. When you start to have feelings of inadequacy, replace that feeling with a positive feeling. Here is an example: I am walking from the living room to the bathroom and I trip over a toy car which I've told my son to put away. I am angry and frustrated that my son has not listened to me. I need to replace those feelings with another feeling, such as, thankfulness. I am thankful that I have money to buy toys for my children. I am thankful I have healthy kids that can run around and play with these toys. Or the ACTUAL thought I DID think this morning (when this really happened) "Thank you for the slippers my husband bought me so that really didnt hurt as much as it could have".  It's the little things. :)

It is ALWAYS worth it to work on your marriage. If you feel trapped, if you feel lonely, if you feel dissatisfied in your marriage, work on it. Fix it. Take the time you need because its worth it and your children need both of their parents, together.

My Babywise experience

I get tons of questions from new moms regarding newborn sleep (or lack thereof). I figured I'd write about my experience to help all of you new moms.
There are a million different takes on sleep training from scheduled, cry it out, never wake a sleeping baby, all the way to do nothing at all and let them sleep when they want. This is just my take and the way I felt it worked best for my family.

When my son was born I knew I wanted to breastfeed him. I thought it would be very simple, he's hungry, I nurse.... It wasn't. The nurses at the hospital make you feel as though you should be nursing non stop. They'd come in every hour and ask "When's the last time he nursed?" and "For how long?".  Sometimes I'd make something up because I just couldn't remember how long. I mean, I'd just given birth after 24 hours of labor with no sleep the day before.  Going home I tried to continue to pattern of nursing often. To add to this, about a week after he was born we discovered he had jaundice and the Dr recommended I nurse every 3 hours at night and every 2 hours during the day. So this became my routine for the next 3 weeks. It wasn't every 2 hours on the dot, but almost every time we were close, my son would let me know anyway. He'd be screaming and so I'd nurse him. At 4 weeks he'd gained a ton of weight and got rid of the jaundice so I wanted to get some sort of normalcy in our routine. I stopped waking him at night but he woke on his own, apparently he had gotten used to every 3 hours. Some times we wouldn't even make it 2 hours before he woke.  By 6 weeks I was exhausted! Mentally and physically and very sleep deprived. He would only nap with me on my chest and it seemed he wanted to nurse non stop, which had me in a zombie like state, a messy house, and always hungry because I couldn't even make time for making meals. I knew something had to change or else I didn't know if I'd ever be able to go anywhere or do anything. And plus, my son wasn't happy. He was crying a lot and very fussy everyday. I wanted something to be better for him.
A friend told me about babywise and I thought to myself, 'well it cant get any worst'. I decided I would try it for 1 week and see the results. I committed to do it exactly the way it was supposed to be done no cheating. Here's what happened:

The first day I set an alarm and I woke him up at 7:30 and nursed him right away. It had been a rough night of lots of waking, but I had committed to doing this. I wasn't happy about 7:30 but I made some coffee and went with it. He was awake about 1 hour when I noticed him rubbing his eyes. Perfect I thought, there my cue! I swaddled him up tight and laid him down to go to sleep in his crib. He hadn't been sleeping in the crib much at this point because he only wanted to sleep with me. He cried about 3 minutes and I went in and put a pacifier in his mouth and walked out. A few minutes later he started crying again, I waited a couple minutes and went in and did the same. This time I got on my knees and reached over the top of the crib and held the pacifier in his mouth, then I rubbed his forehead at the same time. He fell asleep quickly and I walked out. My son never had a problem waking up early. He was a good sleeper almost immediately as I tried to establish this babywise schedule.
When the 3 hour mark came up (on the dot) I woke him up and nursed him immediately. We continued this 3 hour cycle all day until it was evening (the typical screamfest every night). I laid him down to go to sleep and he cried maybe a total of 5 minutes, I put his pacifier in and he went right to sleep around 9:30.  He slept uninterrupted until 1 in the morning. This was amazing especially when you are used to 1.5 hours of sleep at a time. I decided from that moment that I was going to commit to the babywise plan. I continued to wake him at the exact same time every morning 7:30 and continued to same 3 hour routine until his normal bedtime.

My son took to the routine wonderfully. It was like he was aching for a schedule. After 1 week I would say he was almost perfect. Awake for 1 hour, sleep for 2 hours all day until bedtime. He was still waking 2 times a night, but at least he was sleeping in this crib and I could actually, cook, clean, and even possibly get away to the store by myself (AHH!!!)

When my daughter came along I knew I would do babywise with her and start immediately to get her eating every 3 hours. This was very easy for my daughter because she wasn't really interested in nursing. She was very calm, didn't cry much, and content with being in my arms (which mommy was fine with too) She didn't leave my side for the first week I think! Her sleeping pattern was way off, but as far as nursing every 3 hours, we started right away. It was hard at first because she wouldn't sleep for long periods of time. 40 minutes sometimes and then be awake. Not hungry, just awake. I had to follow *her* schedule for the first few weeks. She had the hardest time falling asleep. She fought sleep every time and I don't like to let my kids cry so I chose to get her to sleep anyway I could. Some times that was nursing her, most of the time that was holding her and walking around my room. At 5 weeks I had to get back to normal and begin doing bible study and going back to working occasionally so I really needed her to be predictable.  I couldn't keep locking myself in my bedroom to walk her to sleep and leave my toddler roaming around the house.  I decided I was going to have to let her cry it out to get her to go to sleep. At first I started the same things I did with my son. She did not like the pacifier. I would try rubbing her head, that didn't work either, just made her more mad. I would try getting her to sleep in my arms, then lay her down, she'd wake 5-10 minutes later realizing I wasn't there. All this time, my toddler is where?  I realized I had to do something different for the sake of both my kids.  I had to walk away. I hated this part. It goes against our mother instincts to leave our crying babies, but that was what I knew was best for me to parent both my kids.

My daughter was much harder to get on a schedule than my son was. He took to it almost immediately. My daughter took probably a good 6 weeks for her to get the schedule down. She had a difficult time sleeping all the way to the 3 hour mark with frequent wakings. She would wake early, and not because she was hungry. I kept on, laying her down when she showed she was tired and she very gradually started to sleep longer than 45 minutes. She is 6 months old now and is perfect on the 3 hour schedule, taking 3 naps a day. It was a much different experience with her than *training* my son.

This is one take on sleep training and the one I personally chose. You are welcome to read, and choose to do something different. I am here to answer any questions you may have. I'm a better mother to my kids, when I sleep and my kids are also happier when they are well rested. It may be easy when you have 1 child to say "we just got lucky he/she's a good baby"... but I firmly believe after having 2 babies with totally different styles and doing babywise with both, that the amount of sleep they get is the amount they require as babies and helps them to be very happy and content.

It is also my opinion that my son learned to trust he would always get food when he woke up. He never cried for hunger - ever. He woke up happy and KNEW he would get fed because it was a routine. It was predictable.  This helped me as a mother because anytime my son DID cry, I knew something was wrong.

This is my babywise journey with both my kids. I am a well rested momma and 2 babies sleeping through the night and they both NEVER cry unless something is wrong! Babywise has made my kids happier and has made this momma's life easier as well!

Breastfeeding 101

Ive heard so many stories of Mommies wanting to breastfeed but having this issue or that issue and stopping. So I want to address some basic breastfeeding issues to encourage you all and give some tips to help things to go smoother for new and expecting Mommy's.

First off, the labor and birthing process is also strenuous on baby. Whether you have an all natural labor, or an emergency c section, Labor is tough on baby's and when we introduce med's, they can effect our baby's also. This can  make baby appear and act very tired and fatigued immediately after birth, which can delay your nursing relationship. Whatever happens, after birth, get baby to latch immediately. Things that will help to get baby to latch right away will be getting baby doing skin to skin, and making the environment quiet and calm.  You may have to ask your nursing staff and family to leave at this point. You have every right to ask for an hour of bonding time with your baby after their birth.
Sometimes, positioning is very difficult to figure out at first. Find a position in which you are comfortable and feel as though you can control baby, as well as a position in which your baby can latch appropriately. I used a pillow against my stomach and laid baby on it while having the head of the bed up so I was in a semi reclined position. I personally find that the Cradle and Crosscradle position work best for me in the first 3-4 weeks.

A major concern I hear is that while in the hospital, the staff, the nurse, family, or whoever, gets concerned that baby isn't getting any milk from mom because "her milk hasn't come in". First thing I need to address is that for the rest of your life, you are going to have someone trying to tell you what you should do/what they did/question what you are doing...As a parent, you will get the most unwelcomed advise you've ever wanted (or didn't want).  This is something you should get used to, and figure out how you'd like to handle it. I personally have no problem when people have a different opinion than mine. I listened to different opinions and concerns for the first probably year of my son's life. Then I just got tired of it. I would politely tell people "thanks but we are doing it this way". I think that response had decreased the amount of "advise" I get and I was pleasantly surprised. I do not know everything and I often need to ask questions and get others' prospective. But if I don't ask, I probably don't want advise.

OK so back to the first days...The entire breast production/milk system is a beautifully designed system. I wont go into huge details but certain hormones from the labor and birth process trigger production of colostrum and milk production as well as when your baby first latches, their saliva triggers either colostrum in the first few days, or after your milk 'comes in', it triggers milk production to the level of your baby's satisfaction. If in the first few days of your baby's life, you succumb to allowing formula to supplement, your baby will not nurse for long on your breast which will not trigger the production of the amount of milk your baby needs, because they are already full on formula. Your body is creating just the right amount of colostrum your baby needs for the first few days. And if your body ISN'T producing the right amount, having baby nurse triggers your body to make more. Its actually a really easy formula (for lack of better words). Baby is hungry = nurse. Not enough milk = nurse. The solution is always to nurse!

Another problem with bottle feeding in general, is that formula or breast milk comes out much faster in a bottle than it does at the breast, so if there is continued bottle feeding in the first 2 months of baby's life, they will begin to prefer the bottle and not nurse as long = less milk production which can lead to the common complaint I hear of "I just magically dried up one day".

There are times when nursing can become painful. There may be issues with your baby's latch that cause you pain. If you cannot change positions and figure out how to get rid of the pain, consider seeing a Lactation Consultant. There is a great place in Massillon Ohio called The Breastfeeding Center. Their consultation costs $30 and you can go back as many times as you need for that price. A can of formula cost more than that. Spending that $30 on a consultation can fix your breastfeeding issues will save you TONS of money in the future on formula if you don't get the help.

And lastly feeding on a schedule really helps to regulate so your body knows when to produce and how much. I aimed for feeding every 2.5 hours for the first month of my son's life. With my daughter she wasn't as *into* nursing as he was, and so I started her every 3 hours. If I had to go somewhere (grocery store, appointment etc) I'd schedule it right after I would nurse her if I had to leave her, but I tried to never have to leave her. If I ever had to be away from her at a time where I would normally nurse her, I pumped instead. This is key to keeping your supply. You cant give breast milk while you are gone and not express milk from yourself and expect your supply to maintain the same milk production your baby needs.

Milk production works on supply and demand. So nurse your baby whenever he/she wants to nurse and aim for every 3 hours at least. If baby is asleep for more than 3 hours (during the day), I personally woke them up to nurse. This gave me longer stretches of sleep at night too and kept my babies from getting their days and nights mixed up, but that's a blog for another time.

Please feel free to ask me any question you have and please share this information so that other expectant mommies can get the best start in their breastfeeding relationships with their little ones. God Bless

Dear teenage girls

Lets be straight... Men think Sexually. Its true. And as a Woman, its hard to understand this. I didn't understand this when I was a teenager and I wish I had. Only when I married and discussed this openly with my spouse, did I even get a glimpse into the mind of a man.  I dressed way too provocatively, and this put me in situations I could have avoided. Since woman aren't visually minded, it's not something we think about. In the summer when we put our shorts on, we aren't thinking, "Are these going to cause someone to lust or put sex on their minds". I was never instructed or told of the dangers of what my immodest behavior would do until I was in college and a professor mentioned it to me. It was very strange to me and made me consider my clothing from then on. I am writing this so that you will too. Please read and consider to take the challenge to protect yourself and help young boys/men to contain their sexual thoughts and minds.


Dear teenage girls, please cover up
Seems I cannot go anywhere without seeing way too short shorts and cleavage on young high school girls. I recently saw a picture that said "its not my fault if my bare legs and shoulders arouse you". We have become so indecent in our society and want to blame the men. Well, it may not be your fault they get aroused, but it does happens and it will continue to happen because Men think sexually. Men have desires, and young men are curious. And believe it or not, they cannot control where their brain wonders. Skin can and will arouse them, tight fitting clothes, even a glimpse of your chest as you bend over to pick something up is enough to cause their minds to think of sex. I think instead of putting blame on someone we need to ask ourselves these things:
       1.  Is it my desire to cause someone other than my spouse to think sexually due to my appearance? (this applies to single ladies)
       2.  Is there something I could do differently to eliminate or decrease this from happening?
       3.  If you are in a relationship or engaged, is it your desire to protect yourself and your spouse from temptation?
       4.  If you are single is it your responsibility to protect and cover yourself from the wrong attention that will present itself due to immodest dress?
       5.  Is it your desire to want to run away from temptation in this area of immodestly and honor the Lord with your clothing?

Hear me Dear Teenage girl. We need to be dignified. By showing too much, we present ourselves as objects. Objects that men can use in their minds sexually. And believe me, they will. You may not even know it happened. You may not even realize what your shorts look like in the back.

We are created in the image of God. We are beautiful. I strive to live my life as the Proverbs 31 woman. In verse 12 it says "she brings him good, not harm all the days of her life". I brought harm on lots of young men as I dressed very inappropriately for a long time. I wish I would have kept my body, that image, sacred and I hope to instill in my daughter a desire to want to keep herself modest to save all of herself, for her future husband, for his eyes only.  I pray for you teenage girl, cover yourself with dignity and may 'all the days of your life' be preparing you for the marriage only God has for you.