Yes you read that right. MONDAY, I will celebrate 7 years of marriage. Were they ALL wonderful years of marriage? No they werent. I want to help you to keep your marriage strong. I want to encourage you to push through the storms because, its worth it so read on for my story!
2010 - We had been married 3 years. We'd both graduated college and were both working. We felt we were "ready" to start a family. We had overcome our communication issues in the beginning of our marriage.
(If you'd like to read about how we overcome our communication problems click HERE). And so, it was time. We are both go-geters. We think about something, and we do it. We've always been successful in what we set our minds to. We expected having children to be no different. We had no idea the obstacles we were about to face. We were young, and this was our desire, so we set out on the journey of adding children to our family. 3 months into our journey, nothing had happened. We both were slightly disappointed but we weren't worried just yet. Our family and friends reminded us "it takes the average couple a year to conceive"... As 3 more months past, I began to become impatient. Why was I not getting pregnant? We decided to seek out fertility help and were both tested with no abnormal results. As relieved as we were to hear that, I was also kinda angry at the results. So if nothing is wrong, why isn't it happening? It was at this point that we recognized our need to go to the Throne and trust that the Lord had his own plan for our future. Relinquishing control has never been easy for me and with something so big, this was a huge challenge. Everyday Scott and I prayed, begging God for His blessing in our lives however He saw fit to bless us. We did our best to wait patiently. We grew so much stronger and closer together as we continued down our path of infertility. God did hear our prayers. And God did answer our prayers. As we prepared for the birth of our first child we were ecstatic. We painted the room, we picked out the furniture, we put the rocking chair together, we talked to, sang to, played with and prayed for our child. My husband was just as involved as I was in the whole process. He loved feeling baby kicks and hearing the heartbeat. He came to every appointment with me. We couldn't have been happier or closer.
Our baby boy arrived and after a difficult first 2 weeks, daddy was learning right along with mommy with how to care for him. Daddy became very good with diaper changes, bath time, even getting him to sleep and napping with him. He was so helpful I don't know what I would have done without all his help!
Our son was such a happy baby. He was a great sleeper and very mobile at even a very young age. We were so Blessed and Content!
On april fools day, we were very shocked to discover the Lord had a very different plan for us. We were expecting AGAIN. I was going to have 2 babies, 17 months apart! I was excited and overwhelmed at the same time. My husband was shocked! All the trouble we had the first time, we never dreamed we'd be Blessed again so soon. We put our house up for sale because we needed something bigger for our growing family and we sold our house in 2 days. The Lord really helped us in providing the home we desired only 5 minutes away! We moved when I was almost 9 months pregnant. This pregnancy was different than the other. No I still felt sick, still had the heartburn... every symptom was the same, but this pregnancy was different. It went FAST. I didn't have my husband with me at every appointment. We had another baby to take care of so sometimes, he had to stay with our son. My husband didn't spend hours with his hand on my belly waiting for baby kicks. We didn't paint the room, at all. We barely even purchased anything for this baby. Don't get me wrong, we were very excited and anticipating our daughters birth, but we were very distracted by everything else that way going on in our lives.
Our precious, sweet baby girl came into the world 6 days before Christmas. We had a son and a daughter and our hearts were full! But our lives were crazy! Having 2 babies in diapers, coordinating diaper changes, bath time, dinner time, laundry, cleaning, cooking... there was barely time for my husband and I to talk to each other. Once the kids were in bed for the night, we were both exhausted. We'd brush our teeth and get under the covers and barely say more than "how was your day?". The weekends were nice because I felt I got a slight break from caring for the kids, but that meant my other duties took over, like cleaning and laundry. It was a vicious circle of never ending duty for me. I felt aside from my children, I had no purpose... valueless, expendable... I was trapped at home and it was really starting to get to me and effect my relationship with my husband. We didn't spend time together, we barely talked. On the weekends if there was ever anything I actually wanted to do, my husband didn't. If I felt I accomplished something (cleaned the bathrooms, washed, folded and put away laundry) He didn't notice, and didn't share in my excitement. I wasn't happy. I was allowing my circumstances to effect my feelings and my emotions and I had to make a change.
I scheduled a "date night" with my husband but to be honest, I didn't want to go. I knew we needed to talk and I was happy for the baby free time and dinner, but I really didn't want to talk to him. I wasn't doing a good job. After all, the house was always messy, the laundry piled up and dishes in the sink and I wasn't happy with him either. Having children dismantled my marriage. Something we so desperately desired, was the catalyst for what had brought us so far apart. How did this happen? We had to work on our relationship, fast. If you find yourself in this same sinking sand, here's the way out.
First thing you need to do is TALK with your husband. There is going to be conflict. Having a baby is a major life change. Approach conflict with humility. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you feel you never get to spend time together anymore. Tell him you long for his companionship. Tell him you miss HIM. Tell him you want him to talk to you, to ask about you. Tell him you feel that you both only discuss your children and not the two of you, or your relationship anymore. Tell him what you miss about him.
Determine what you think would help your relationship, whether it be a date night away, doing an activity you both love together, doing a devotion together or a marriage book, getting his help around the house, or getting him to praise your accomplishments throughout the day...Whatever it is that will help YOU to realize that your hard work with your children and your home is absolutely worth it, then do it. Make sure you ask and acknowledge the same thing with your husband. As much as you are feeling alone, your husband may be feeling the same way. You used to cook for him every night, and spend time together and now you are occupied with your children. He may have some needs of his own that are not being met. Make sure to listen to your husbands feelings as well.
Do you know what your love language is? If not, figure it out Here. It's common for your love language to CHANGE over the years so take the test again if its been awhile! Once you and your husband know your love language, discover ways you can show each other you love each other during your busy days.
You must take time to work on your relationship. Your children need to see you love each other, forgive each other, and yes, even kiss each other. Momma's, your children are your job. They are your responsibility. God has entrusted them to you. Part of your responsibility in raising your children and taking care of your home, is taking care of the Man who works to keep that home running. God has placed your husband as the leader of your home. Start viewing your role at home at a higher level. When you start to have feelings of inadequacy, replace that feeling with a positive feeling. Here is an example: I am walking from the living room to the bathroom and I trip over a toy car which I've told my son to put away. I am angry and frustrated that my son has not listened to me. I need to replace those feelings with another feeling, such as, thankfulness. I am thankful that I have money to buy toys for my children. I am thankful I have healthy kids that can run around and play with these toys. Or the ACTUAL thought I DID think this morning (when this really happened) "Thank you for the slippers my husband bought me so that really didnt hurt as much as it could have". It's the little things. :)
It is ALWAYS worth it to work on your marriage. If you feel trapped, if you feel lonely, if you feel dissatisfied in your marriage, work on it. Fix it. Take the time you need because its worth it and your children need both of their parents, together.
