We decided to not use any form of birth control besides my breastfeeding which i did exclusively (no other food at all) until my son was 7.5 months old. I never had my cycle return but have been told that is common when breastfeeding. It is right around this time that I conceived.
We found out we were pregnant again on april fools day :) I was shocked. All the trouble we had getting pregnant before, and I was already pregnant again. As soon as my pregnancy was confirmed I knew I wanted a different birth experience than I had with my son. I did not want to have another Cesarean. I started researching and looking up all the recent studies and read and spoke with numerous mothers who had vbac's themselves (vaginal birth after Cesarean). I confirmed with my provider that they were in support of me and on I went on my vbac journey. The more knowledge I gained, the more confident I got that I knew my body could do it. I was made to give birth. We attended natural birth classes and I hired a doula who was amazing.
At 37 weeks I started to get excited. Id never been pregnant longer than this and I was already much bigger and lower. Everyone who saw me said "you'll never make it to your due date". I also started having lots of uncomfortable contractions that sometimes would last all day but go away at night.
Well 39 weeks came and went and I reached my due date. I was exhausted at this point but I wanted to trust my body. I was also in a lot of discomfort at this point. Everyday it got harder and harder.
At my next appointment I was told I could schedule another c-section if I wanted. I was already 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced, I said just because im at my due date doesn't mean id just give up now. I was told that was ok but I needed to get an ultrasound (BPP) to make sure baby and I were ok. So at 41 weeks I got the ultrasound that showed we were great but baby was 9# and 10ozs. After the ultrasound the Dr told me that with the baby being that big I should consider another c section that she most likely wouldnt fit and if she did, she would probably dislocate her shoulder. I dont believe that ultrasounds at this far in the game are very accurate, and especially this one because the ultrasound tech was having a very hard time doing the ultrasound and she told us she wasnt very confident in her findings.
At 41 weeks and 3 days a Dr came in to see me (instead of midwife) and said that the practice was not recommending I have a vbac anymore and unless I did another c section, that i'd have to go AMA (against medical advise) and sign a liability consent form. After discussing with my husband and doula, we decided to go for an induction 2 days later. I already did not have the support of my Dr's and the longer I waited the more pushy they would get.
Wednesday morning my induction started. Before they turned on the medicine my husband and mother and I said a prayer for everything to go smoothly and to keep our baby healthy. A resident came in and told me that I couldn't get in the tub due to hospital policy. My husband said "there isn't a hospital policy on that!". My nurse then confirmed there was not a policy. She walked out of the room and shortly after a Dr came in (who I really was not fond of) and reminded me that I was going AMA and that she 'hasnt had to do that in 3 years' and she's had to involve the hospital staff about 'my situation'. She also told me I could not get in the tub (which was very important to me) because she's in charge and i'm high risk. I politely argued with her that everyone was fine with me having a VBAC until monday (2 days ago) and now I have all these restrictions on my birth. She still would not allow the tub and left the room after this.
They did an ultrasound to confirm baby was head down and this revealed she was posterior as well (same as my first baby). I was very disappointed to hear this because I had tried to do everything possible to keep her from getting into this position (chiropractic care, exercises...). This time however, I did know of some things I could do during labor to try to get her to turn and since my water was still intact I felt confident.
Once pitocin was started, things were extremely slow. I continued to have sporadic contractions that never really amounted to anything for hours. I tried using the breast pump to pick things up and it didnt help either. They turned the dose up every chance they could but nothing was really happening. Once shift change happened (8 hours later), a new nurse came on and she was AMAZING. She read my birth plan and was in total support of me. She said the new Dr who came on wouldn't mind me getting in the tub and that she was going to be there to help me and support me. She turned the pitocin up to almost the highest it could go (19) and soon after my labor kicked in. I think my body relaxed with her and I knew I was finally supported. My labor was beautiful. My husband was my rock.
I rotated from being on the birth ball, all fours, the toilet, and sitting upright on the bed. We thought she may have turned because there was a big bulge in the middle top of my stomach that we thought was her bum. I dilated pretty quickly and things were starting to get intense about 4-5 hours later, I asked to get in the tub. My nurse didn't even walk out to confirm with the new Dr, she said that's fine and got the water ready. I was about 5 cms at this point and baby was still a little high up (-2). My monitor's never stay in place since my belly is so big, they always have a hard time finding babies heart rate. While in the tub, my nurse leaned over in the water and held the monitor to get babies heart beat each contraction. She truly was the best nurse I could have asked for.
I had also made up note cards with encouraging sayings and verses on them and my mom read them to me during contractions. This really helped me to relax and focus. While in the water I felt I had to use the restroom so I got out and got to the toilet just in time. My body 'cleaned itself out' at the same time I had contractions. It was incredible the way I couldn't control it and my body just took over the 'pushing'. I know that seems like TMI but it was such a different feeling from anything in my first birth that was not natural, I felt my body was actually doing what it was supposed to do this time around. Things started to really intensify after this. I had to get back out to use the restroom a few times, but I was in the tub for about 2-3 hours, it felt amazing and I was able to relax through my contractions. Things were really picking up and I started having a hard time coping with contractions and back labor. I got out of the tub and tried to walk or get on the ball but it hurt too bad. I got in the bed on my side and it continued to hurt pretty bad. After another 30 minutes I said I needed to do something for the pain in my back. I was also shaking uncontrollably it was hard for me to concentrate on anything else. It was getting unbearable and the hot pack was no longer working. I decided on an epidural to allow my body to relax. At this point I was almost 7 cms dilated. After the epidural I tried to lay down and take a nap. I could still feel my back on the left side and after about 20 minutes the pain was back. They had to turn the epidural up a lot more and I didn't like this feeling at all, but I couldn't stand the back pain so it was the better choice. I again tried to sleep but wasn't able to. My support team needed to rest so I just stayed in bed and let everyone else sleep and I prayed. I prayed for strength. I prayed for my baby to be in the right position. I prayed for my baby's heartbeat to stay strong. I prayed for things to go perfectly and for my baby to descend.
All of a sudden I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach except without the pain. I was unsure of what happened and pushed on my belly to get the baby to move and make sure she was ok. She moved but I started to feel a warm gush and realized my water had just broken. The nurse came in very soon and helped 'clean up'. She informed me I had lost a ton more mucus and it was "more than she's ever seen in a long time". I was too numb at this point to move effectively so we decided to turn the epidural way down, get me into a position to help baby turn and allow me to be able to feel more. An hour or so later she checked me and I was 9 cms and said baby had moved WAY DOWN. I was so excited at this point. I felt so confident my body was doing what it was supposed to do. She got the squatting bar up on the bed and dropped the legs down so I could sit upright and lean over the ball to encourage my body to 'labor down'. I had expressed a desire to not want to push until I felt the urge to push since I never felt that with my son either.
After about another hour I asked to switch to being on all fours. I thought baby might still be posterior as was my last, and I wanted to do everything I could to try to turn her. I did different exercises on all fours to get her to move and after a little while I was checked again and complete. I still did not have to urge to push, but at this point labor had been going on awhile and I was starting to really get tired. I asked the nurse what I should do. She said, well you didn't want to push until you got the urge but if you'd like to, with the next contraction, go ahead and push. I pushed the next 30 minutes in all fours over the ball. I bent my hips low and pushed with all my might. In between contractions I still 'wagged' my hips to encourage baby to turn and move down. My legs were getting very weak after 30 minutes so I decided to turn around and go back to squatting over the bar. I pushed in this position for 45 more minutes and had the nurse 'check me' while I was pushing the last 10-15 minutes. She told me baby wasn't moving past a 0 station and her head was starting to mold. At this point I was crushed. It was all sounding like deja vu. The exact same thing as my labor with my son. I was trying to focus and remain confident, but in my head I knew I was pushing as hard as I could in the best positions to move this baby down and she wasn't moving. I started to get very sad and emotional and I started crying. My husband came over to me and told me that it was ok. He told me I was strong and that I could do it. He told me that I should try to relax for a little bit and try to calm down. While the nurse/my mom and doula left the room to talk, my husband and I had a very intimate moment. He told me that I had been so strong this entire time. I had always put my baby first and had done everything I could to get her to come out naturally. He told me it hadn't been that long and that I shouldn't give up just yet. It was at this time I contacted a facebook VBAC group about my situation and I had suggestions to try pushing alternating side to side. When my nurse and doula came back they encouraged me that it was too early to 'throw in the towel' and that I should try whatever I wanted to do. It was hard for me to refocus but I was able to compose myself and start pushing side to side. I didn't want anyone to 'check' to see if it was effective, I just wanted to be left alone to push as hard as I could. I did this and got back into squatting afterwards also for another 10 minutes and I knew nothing was happening. I could see it on every ones face. Everyone knew how important this was to me and I could see their dismay. I looked over at my husband and I said, "it's over". I knew she wasn't moving. My nursed asked if I wanted to have the Dr come in and talk to us and I said yes.
He came in shortly afterwards and 'checked' me as well as had me push with a few contractions. He confirmed that the babies head was molding and swelling but that her head was not moving past my pelvic bone with my pushing. I was extremely swollen (REALLY SWOLLEN) from all the pushing and he looked me in the eyes and said, "You are pushing effectively, you are really pushing I can tell, but she isn't coming down".
We then discussed details of the section. He granted permission for my mother to be able to be present as well. I also asked if I could have her right away because they took my son away from me for 2 hours and I never wanted that to happen again. He said they would give her to me and do skin to skin if I wanted. I asked if he would do delayed cord clamping and he said that with a c section, the uterus and abdominal cavity is wide open while i'm bleeding and that it wasn't a great idea to leave me open for that long. I trusted his opinion and I said that was fine. I asked if my husband could announce the sex and cut the cord and he agreed. After that everything started getting prepped for the surgery. It again wasn't an emergency as baby and I were fine, so things seemed a little slow. This allowed me some time to grieve before being wheeled into the room.
Once in the room the Dr was amazing. Very friendly and telling jokes and really making me feel comfortable with him. My family was allowed in shortly and things started. The Dr said it was time and my husband stood up and they lifted her out of my tummy. The Dr said the cord was wrapped around her neck. It took my husband about 3-4 seconds before he realized it was a GIRL! We were elated! She started crying so loud it was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. They wiped her off and weighed her then brought her over to me. 8#s 14.5ozs She laid on my chest and we stared into each others' eyes.
I did not get the VBAC birth that I desired. I may never get it. Is it possible that I am one of the very few who actually have a pelvis too small for a baby to fit? Maybe. But what I know for sure, is that a baby in a posterior position as both my babies were, will not come out. I had chiropractic care, I exercised throughout pregnancy. I had a good diet. I hired a doula...I did everything in my power and it still didn't work for me. I know that I am strong. I know that I have done the best for my baby. I know that i've given myself the best chance possible and for that I am proud. I will remember this birth forever, and cherish the support and strength of my husband and myself. My birth, is my birth and it went exactly as it was supposed to.
