Spice for your Vday!

<3 Happy Valentine's Day <3
Hopefully you are going to get a night out, or a weekend in, or some kind of special time with your spouse to celebrate your marriage. Why not spend some time getting to know each other so much deeper also?  I have included some exercises/questions and/or things you can discuss with your spouse to help you really get to know each other better and work together better. You may think, "I've been married for 10 years, why do I need to do something like this"...Remember, we are ever changing. Our needs change, our wants change, our attitude changes, our desires change. If you dont take the time to talk to or ask these things of your spouse, there may be things you dont know and you could easily create distance and grow apart. Try it and see how much fun it can be.

Galatians 5:13
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

*Ask these questions to each other.
If I want to feel loved, I want my spouse to...
I gain comfort when my spouse...
I feel acceptance when my spouse...
During childhood, I knew my parents loved me because...
After an argument, I want my spouse to...
What I like most about myself is...
What I like most about my spouse is...
What I like least about myself is...
What I like least about my spouse is...
When I really want to show my spouse love I...
I wish my spouse would do this more frequently...
The things I like doing are...
The things my spouse likes doing are...

*When you have disagreements evaluate how you respond to the situation. As you read the responses below, think do you Rarely do this, or do you Frequently do this...

1. I recognize and allow for differences between my spouse and I. I know we tend to view things differently.

2. I focus my attention to changing my own behavior, attitude and responses.  I plan specific, positive changes I can make.

3. When a problem arises, I am ready to admit that I may be part of the problem. I focus on what I am doing wrong, rather than what my partner is doing wrong.

4. I practice the golden rule as in Matthew 7:12 and I treat my spouse how I would like to be treated.

5. I realize I cannot change my partner.  He/She must want to change or my efforts will compound the problem and not solve it.

6. I practice Luke 6:34-35 and give and serve my spouse and expect nothing in return.

7. I try to maintain and improve my relationship with Jesus Christ. (John 14:6, Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 John 4:21).

8. I do not continue to bring up arguments from the past. I forgive and forget and deal with 1 current problem at a time. (Matthew 6:34, Ephesians 4:26)

Now, If you tend to fall on the 'Rarely' side of things take some time to think about how you can change in order to answer 'Frequently' instead. God has designed us to be kind and and have good conflict resolution in our marriages.  Would you deal the same way with conflict out in public (in the check out line at the store, to your boss, to your neighbors...) as you would at home with your spouse? I can honestly say, I struggled with this in the beginning of my marriage and I did NOT deal with conflict in a respectful manner towards my husband. Do you need to change the way you deal with conflict towards your spouse?

*This is a fun exercise to practice NON VERAL COMMUNICATION. What a fun thing to do tonight ;)
Practice trying to communicate one of the following emotions to your partner. Take turns and see how many you get correct!!
Frustration.....Anger.....Peace.....Happiness.....Fear.....Doubt.....Sexual Interest.....Guilt.....Humility.....Anxiety.....Love.....Discouragement.....Irritation.....Apathy.....Confidence.....Trust.....Pride.....Hurt

Communication is a HUGE part in our marriage and non verbal communication is expressed and received so very differently from men and women. Talk to your spouse about what you felt after this exercise and how you can both communicate effectively nonverbally.

*****I will be writing a blog regarding Communication and teaching how to be a better communicator. If you find yourself feeling like you're not good at communication, but dont know HOW to, keep checking back soon for this new blog*****

*A great exercise to enhance your Biblical aspect of Marriage
Rate how satisfied you are with your Bible Reading with your spouse 0-10.
How important do you think reading is in your Christian life 0-10.
List a few ways you can improve your Bible Reading.
     Regarding your Reading, Do you:
Memorize Scripture
Write down your thoughts
Pray about/over what you learned
Look up commentaries
Apply what you read, personally
Share what you learned with others or your spouse

Here are a few passages you can start with TONIGHT:
Hebrews 4:12, James 1:18-25, Psalms 119, Colossians 3:16, Proverbs 6:20-23

*Evaluate how you and your spouse spend time together.
Here is a list of common activities. Decide if you do these activities together, by yourself (one or both of you), or neither.
-Shopping
-Movies
-Church
-Church functions
-Outdoor activities (walks, gardening)
-School functions
-Hobbies
-Devotions
-Praying
-Sports
-Exercise
If you marked a lot of these by yourself, come up with some ways you can do these things together.

Romans 13:8-10
 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.  The commandments, “Do not commit adultery,” “Do not murder,” “Do not steal,” “Do not covet,” and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.


My friends, do not wander away from the greatest commandment of all. Do not let your talk become meaningless. Continue to work on your Marriage and your Communication. As followers of Christ, He walks with us. He gives us the power inside us to overcome.  Love covers over our sin. And the same power that raised Christ from death, is inside you!  Satan wishes nothing more than to destroy your marriage. Don't let him win.

1 Timothy 1:5-6 
The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.  Some have wandered away from these and turned to meaningless talk.