Spice for your Vday!

<3 Happy Valentine's Day <3
Hopefully you are going to get a night out, or a weekend in, or some kind of special time with your spouse to celebrate your marriage. Why not spend some time getting to know each other so much deeper also?  I have included some exercises/questions and/or things you can discuss with your spouse to help you really get to know each other better and work together better. You may think, "I've been married for 10 years, why do I need to do something like this"...Remember, we are ever changing. Our needs change, our wants change, our attitude changes, our desires change. If you dont take the time to talk to or ask these things of your spouse, there may be things you dont know and you could easily create distance and grow apart. Try it and see how much fun it can be.

Galatians 5:13
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

*Ask these questions to each other.
If I want to feel loved, I want my spouse to...
I gain comfort when my spouse...
I feel acceptance when my spouse...
During childhood, I knew my parents loved me because...
After an argument, I want my spouse to...
What I like most about myself is...
What I like most about my spouse is...
What I like least about myself is...
What I like least about my spouse is...
When I really want to show my spouse love I...
I wish my spouse would do this more frequently...
The things I like doing are...
The things my spouse likes doing are...

*When you have disagreements evaluate how you respond to the situation. As you read the responses below, think do you Rarely do this, or do you Frequently do this...

1. I recognize and allow for differences between my spouse and I. I know we tend to view things differently.

2. I focus my attention to changing my own behavior, attitude and responses.  I plan specific, positive changes I can make.

3. When a problem arises, I am ready to admit that I may be part of the problem. I focus on what I am doing wrong, rather than what my partner is doing wrong.

4. I practice the golden rule as in Matthew 7:12 and I treat my spouse how I would like to be treated.

5. I realize I cannot change my partner.  He/She must want to change or my efforts will compound the problem and not solve it.

6. I practice Luke 6:34-35 and give and serve my spouse and expect nothing in return.

7. I try to maintain and improve my relationship with Jesus Christ. (John 14:6, Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 John 4:21).

8. I do not continue to bring up arguments from the past. I forgive and forget and deal with 1 current problem at a time. (Matthew 6:34, Ephesians 4:26)

Now, If you tend to fall on the 'Rarely' side of things take some time to think about how you can change in order to answer 'Frequently' instead. God has designed us to be kind and and have good conflict resolution in our marriages.  Would you deal the same way with conflict out in public (in the check out line at the store, to your boss, to your neighbors...) as you would at home with your spouse? I can honestly say, I struggled with this in the beginning of my marriage and I did NOT deal with conflict in a respectful manner towards my husband. Do you need to change the way you deal with conflict towards your spouse?

*This is a fun exercise to practice NON VERAL COMMUNICATION. What a fun thing to do tonight ;)
Practice trying to communicate one of the following emotions to your partner. Take turns and see how many you get correct!!
Frustration.....Anger.....Peace.....Happiness.....Fear.....Doubt.....Sexual Interest.....Guilt.....Humility.....Anxiety.....Love.....Discouragement.....Irritation.....Apathy.....Confidence.....Trust.....Pride.....Hurt

Communication is a HUGE part in our marriage and non verbal communication is expressed and received so very differently from men and women. Talk to your spouse about what you felt after this exercise and how you can both communicate effectively nonverbally.

*****I will be writing a blog regarding Communication and teaching how to be a better communicator. If you find yourself feeling like you're not good at communication, but dont know HOW to, keep checking back soon for this new blog*****

*A great exercise to enhance your Biblical aspect of Marriage
Rate how satisfied you are with your Bible Reading with your spouse 0-10.
How important do you think reading is in your Christian life 0-10.
List a few ways you can improve your Bible Reading.
     Regarding your Reading, Do you:
Memorize Scripture
Write down your thoughts
Pray about/over what you learned
Look up commentaries
Apply what you read, personally
Share what you learned with others or your spouse

Here are a few passages you can start with TONIGHT:
Hebrews 4:12, James 1:18-25, Psalms 119, Colossians 3:16, Proverbs 6:20-23

*Evaluate how you and your spouse spend time together.
Here is a list of common activities. Decide if you do these activities together, by yourself (one or both of you), or neither.
-Shopping
-Movies
-Church
-Church functions
-Outdoor activities (walks, gardening)
-School functions
-Hobbies
-Devotions
-Praying
-Sports
-Exercise
If you marked a lot of these by yourself, come up with some ways you can do these things together.

Romans 13:8-10
 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.  The commandments, “Do not commit adultery,” “Do not murder,” “Do not steal,” “Do not covet,” and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.


My friends, do not wander away from the greatest commandment of all. Do not let your talk become meaningless. Continue to work on your Marriage and your Communication. As followers of Christ, He walks with us. He gives us the power inside us to overcome.  Love covers over our sin. And the same power that raised Christ from death, is inside you!  Satan wishes nothing more than to destroy your marriage. Don't let him win.

1 Timothy 1:5-6 
The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.  Some have wandered away from these and turned to meaningless talk. 

*Self rating for your Marriage*

February is National Marriage Month as well as Valentine's Day so I thought, what better time to encourage my fellow wives than now. I have 5 years and 1 baby under my belt, but we've done quite a bit of 'figuring out' and therefore, I think I have lots to educate and encourage you with.

Marriage is under attack.  Marriage is no longer being fought for. Yet what is God's purpose in marriage? Even if your marriage seems fine, are you fulfilling the purpose God has for your marriage?

¹⁹ Hosea 2:19 I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.

I must first put forth a disclosure: I believe the Bible and everything in it and believe that GOD defined marriage long ago to be between a man and a woman. I am sorry if this is not politically correct, but you need to be upset with God and not me because I didn't write the bible, I just believe it. (Genesis 2)

Communication
Well if there is ONE thing I learned these past 5 years it's that communication is a hard thing to understand.  How can a man and a woman be wired SO differently that what we say gets SO jumbled? How can he not KNOW what I mean? Growing up, my mother just KNEW me so well.  We would be out at a store and I'd look at a shoe and try it on and say boy these are really cute. We'd walk away and then look at something else, or do something else, I'd forget all about those shoes I had tried on earlier. But not my mother.  She did not forget. She would go back to the store and buy those shoes for me and give them for a birthday or christmas or just for anything at all. I grew to expect this. When I dropped those same hints to my husband, it led to nothing. I quickly became frustrated and thought, he must not be listening to me. I could have gotten bitter and angry but instead I decided to bring it to his attention. Boy am I so glad I did. I remember our conversation. As I described this to him I concluded that it must be that my mother KNOWS me so much better than he did as to why he did 'get it'.  I then waited for a response. My husband pondered for a minute, then finally responded that he couldn't even remember a time I had even hinted at wanting anything at all. This mad me even more mad but I held it in. I know this man loves me and so we decided to both really open up and describe our needs, our wants and our expectations. This was a monumental conversation in our marriage but I could have easily turned it into an argument had I let my emotions take over. What we gained from this conversation was the ability to read and know each other and I learned to not EXPECT things from him.  He doesn't NOT get me those hinted gifts because he doesn't love me. He doesn't get me those gifts because he wasn't paying attention to those things. Gifts are not his love language so why would he think of giving me something to show his love?
(If you havent yet found what your love language is go here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/)
Communication is so different from each of us and we have to talk to our spouse and tell them what we want. Yes, I'm sure you dreamed of a man who would read your mind and know right when you need a hug, or right when you need to be left alone. Or to know when to need them to find a solution to your problem, rather than just someone to LISTEN to you vent. Men don't think that way, sorry. Tell your spouse what you need and what you want and have the same attitude for them. If you don't understand their expectations either, no one is sure of what to do next and your marriage will suffer.

Expectation
Yes expectations can really hurt our men both mentally and emotionally even if they don't wish to show the emotional side. Men NEED TO FEEL needed and wanted and respected and when we show them that they aren't meeting our expectations, we can damage them. Maybe your expectations are realistic, or maybe they arent. But you must COMMUNICATE them first and then follow through. We also need to realize what our husbands expectations are. My husbands love language is Affirmation. This does not make sense to me. As I said earlier my LL is gifts so it took me a little while to understand HOW to affirm my husband. Let me give you an example: We both have different 'chores' in our house. Scott takes out the trash and brings the dirty clothes downstairs as well as doing all outside work.  I would never in a million years think about saying THANK YOU to him for taking out the trash. I do my chores and if he said thanks after I did the dishes I would be like, Thanks? For what? I just don't get it. But I learned that my husband likes to receive praise for the things he does for me. And so, often I tell my husband thank you. Thank you for what you ask? Going to work everyday for us, picking up after himself, cleaning something, or even taking our son while I do something else. Even though it doesn't make sense to you, it's not about making sense, it's about showing love and appreciation and as you grow to UNDERSTAND your husband and his needs, it wont need to make sense. It will make sense when he tells you how much he loves you and appreciates you as his wife.  You'll know you're doing something right.

Romance
Ah yes, Romance. For some this is a scary thing. For others you cannot wait for the next opportunity to be romantic. And romance does not always mean sex. Woman tend to want the romantic side of things, dinner and a movie and maybe some cuddling on the couch, but they don't always want what comes after that...Bottom line is this: Your husband needs sex, and he needs it often. If he is not being satisfied by you at home, he will look for ways to be satisfied elsewhere. I am not suggesting that if a husband cheats that it is always our fault as the wife, but I am suggesting that it is our duty to please our husbands. We are supposed to be desirable to our husbands and again communication is key. What is your husbands expectation of your romantic relationship? If you're not sure, you need to ask.

 (Song of Solomon 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—  for your love is more delightful than wine.)

Leadership
Who holds the reigns in your Marriage? Do you tend to want to control everything or do you let your husband take the lead? Do you trust your husband? One of the most important and valuable gifts you can give your husband, is the gift of prayer. Pray for him. (here is a 31 days of prayer for my husband guide that I use https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/31-days-of-praying-for-your-husband/)
If your husband is not the best 'leader' in your eyes telling him you aren't satisfied with his leadership is NOT the way to get him to become the man you want. Praying for him to be the man GOD WANTS him to be is your best defense.  Remember, God put you two together so HE knows who HE wants your husband to become. Maybe your husband needs a supportive, loving, and PRAYING wife behind him?

^{Ephesians 5:23-24 23}For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Purpose
What is the purpose for your marriage? Paul David Tripp says it the best by stating your marriage purpose is Sanctification. God wants to use your marriage as a way for you to be made Holy. He wants to set you apart. In a world where the divorce rate is over 70% and growing, He wants you to be SET APART. If you KNOW that GOD has brought the two of you together for a purpose, let NO ONE come between you, let NOTHING separate you two and let your LOVE grow and abound in each other as you SERVE Christ.

May this be the Prayer for your marriage:

^{Philippians 1:9-11} And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.


Lord Jesus,
 Thank you for your perfect design for marriage. Thank you that you brought us together and created us for our spouses with your purpose in mind.  You are an amazing God who shows such grace to your children.  I pray that you Bless the person reading this. Touch their heart and their life and help them wherever they may be. Give them patience if their marriage is rocky.  Give them strength if they need to hold on. Give them assurance that divorce is NOT your design.  Show them your love and show them the path you want for us all. AMEN