Ok this one is going to get steamy. Mom, you probably shouldn't read this one :P
Sex is such an important part of our marriages. I've recently discovered so many woman who think sex is just for their husbands. Woman who get no pleasure out of sex and just do it as what they see as their "duty". They dread it, its uncomfortable and its surely not fun. Ladies, God did not design sex to be this way. God's design for sex is not strictly to be for your husbands pleasure. It is to be for BOTH of you.
Sex is not bad. Sex is good. God created sex and after God created everything (Adam and Eve), He said it was "good".
Sex in marriage is good!
Sex creates a better union between your husband and yourself. As I read in Song of Solomon, it was not just Solomon who was longing for their time together. Solomon's Beloved dreamed of their first time together! She was eager for their wedding, eager for sex and after they had married, she says "Let my Beloved Come to his garden"!!! That doesn't sound like a wife who dreads intimacy with her husband!
Is that your experience? Or do you dread it?
Let me offer some insight if you find you might be in what I call the dreaded cycle of the 'walking dead intimacy'.
Sex is a big deal.
Sex IS a big deal, and since it is, shouldn't we devote time and energy toward it? Towards making it work for both you and your spouse and devote time for doing it?
If sex is not enjoyable for you, lets figure out how to change that by addressing a few common issues.
Women are full of hormones and did you know that the SEX HORMONES are most important? They are produced by the ovaries so you can see how conditions such as polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, fibroids and even uterine problems, can cause things to not work as they should.
Pain: Sex is sometimes painful. There are numerous reasons that this can be, some in which we can control and change, and some in which we cant.
RELAX- First thing to do is relax! We tense up when we are anticipating pain and the muscles inside us are constricted.
LUBRICATE- Many times women need a little help with moisture to decrease the friction that can cause pain during sex. There are hundreds of different types of lubrication out there. I'll say this, Walmart brand works just fine ;)
CONDOMS- Some women are extremely sensitive to condoms and they are flat out torturous. If you have burning, stinging or pain when using a condom, try another form of birth control or look into "natural family planning" so that you can enjoy sex without condoms.
Precision: There is a SCIENCE behind sex.
FOREPLAY- (yes we are getting steamy) When my husband and I were getting counsel before our wedding, we were given this analogy: Women are like tea kettles, they take time to warm up and need to be touched, talked to, and cuddled to help them get aroused. Talk to your spouse about taking some time before jumping into sex to just focus on YOU. Take turns giving each other massages (full body) before sex.
PRACTICE- There are certain things that are going to feel good for you. Those things for you, are probably different for me, and probably different for your best friend, and your neighbor etc. You need to communicate with your spouse (even possibly DURING sex) to communicate what feels good and what doesn't. When you both figure out what feels good, practice those same things again to recreate those feelings.
POSITION- Try different positions. You'd be surprised at how a different position could make a world of difference in the way sex feels.
Progeny: Yes child making can really change the way sex works, feels and occurs.
PREGNANCY- It is not easy being pregnant. The hormones, sickness, the weight gain and change in center of gravity which affects positions during sex, can all play into non-enjoyable sex. Here are a few tips:
*Increased hormones during pregnancy can really increase sensitivity during sex and be very enjoyable. Try to use this to your benefit and change positions and see what new things feel good to you.
*You have increased sensation in your nipples during pregnancy. This may be a forbidden territory for some ladies, but you might want to take your "off limits" sign down just to see what happens.
*Utilize water in the shower, or bathtub for sex because its soothing and relaxing. You may think 'What positions could you have sex in the shower?'. You'll have to google that one on your own ;)
SCHEDULE- Since we've determined sex is a very integral part of marriage, we have to make time for it. If it must be scheduled, there is no shame in that.
BODY IMAGE- For some women, our bodies changed greatly after children, and we don't like what we see. You may be self conscious of your new body and you may not even want your spouse to see you naked. I can assure you that during sex, your spouse doesn't care what your body looks like. Give yourself a break and if you're concerned about your body, talk to your spouse about it and tell him exactly what makes you uncomfortable.
The mind of a women is always going 100 miles a minute. Concentrate on sex when you are in the moment and stop thinking about what you have to do tomorrow, or what you're going to make for dinner. And stop thinking about the dishes in the sink. Concentrate on your spouse, concentrate on sex. Be in the moment.
The last thing I want to discuss is R-rated so proceed with fair warning.
Female Orgasm: Women have to LEARN how
Unlike men, research shows women take a considerable about of time to learn to climax after they have had sex for the first time.
Lets face it, if you've never or rarely orgasm during sex, its probably not the most enjoyable activity for you. So lets change that. Its important for you to orgasm too and believe me, your spouse WANTS you to orgasm too. Here are some tips:
*Get on top- When you are on top you can control depth, the angle at which your hips are, and the pace. All of which you can change based on your pleasure.
*Communicate- Maybe your cheeks are red already, but did you know that 77% of men want you to tell them what you like in words? REAL WORDS, yes communicate what feels good, he is DYING to hear from you. You may not even know until its happening so make sure your spouse knows.
*Move- Try moving your hips, your pelvis, your legs and your buttocks to find the most pleasurable points.
*Touch- Do not be afraid to allow your spouse to explore with touching. This may help you discover what amount of pressure, rhythm or angle is needed for you.
I'm no sex expert, but I am passionate about strong marriages and I understand the role that sex plays in a good marriage for a husband AND a wife. Here is a great article to help you in the bedroom according to your love language. And if you don't know your love language found out here.
I hope this was a helpful article to all of you ladies. I pray you grow in love and intimacy with your spouse!
